Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
