Are we in a gay sports bar?
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Randomize
