it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
my being single is dangerous.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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