he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize
