i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
