I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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