Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Randomize
