Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
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