how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
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