If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Randomize