4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
