apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
