The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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