i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize
