the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Randomize
