Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
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