we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
