I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Such a big mess for such a small penis
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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