woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Randomize
