whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
