Who wears a wallet chain?!
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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