is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
