were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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