So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
