I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
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