I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
