Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I have aggressive nipples.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Randomize
