Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
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It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
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If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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