listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Randomize
