i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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