saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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