even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
