Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
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