well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
