Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
