Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
