Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
