Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
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