my room smells like sperm. sweet.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
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