omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Randomize
