I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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