okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
