yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
