were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Randomize
