Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize