Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
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