he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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