So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
