does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
