Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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