she kept yelling 'call me bella'
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
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