dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
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