he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
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