Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
