She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
