If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
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