Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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