If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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