someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
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