so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Randomize
