i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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