apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
