the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Randomize
