look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
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