I CAN MOONWALK!
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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