Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
