Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
