Have you finally orgasmed yet?
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
