I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
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it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
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Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
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