My friends, they love my intelligence
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Randomize
