I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
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yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
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Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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