Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
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