I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
